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Nearly two weeks ago I broke my foot in what the orthopedic surgeons called “the strangest possible way.” I’ll spare you the details, but so far there have been two surgeries, which allowed them to place pins that are currently holding the Talus and Calcaneus bones in place. My final surgery is two days away. This surgery will involve an incision, plates, screws, and twelve weeks of recovery.

As I sat in the ER, experiencing more pain than I have ever experienced before, I was looking around the room. There was a mom with a baby; husbands waiting with wives; wives waiting with husbands; friends waiting with friends. In that moment the thought did come to mind that I am not alone in my pain, in fact many of those folks in that waiting room were suffering far more than me.

As a pastor I often find myself in the middle of suffering, not my suffering, but the suffering of others – others that I love dearly. But this time it was me in the hospital bed – it was a strange turn of events. As I laid there I determined to move through my suffering with intent. I asked my daughter to retrieve Paul Tripp’s book titled Suffering from my office. My intent in the coming days and weeks is to read through this book and post what I am learning along the way.

Here is the line that hit me in chapter one.

Physical suffering exposes the delusion of personal autonomy and self-sufficiency.

Wow, do I feel that line! The autonomy to walk across the room is gone. The autonomy to hop in bed and not even think about the pain and position of my foot is gone. The autonomy to make my own plate of food or get my own cup of water – gone and gone!

Over the past week my complete dependence on family and friends has been a glaring reminder that I am always, and I mean always, dependent upon God. Despite my delusions of autonomy, apart from him I could not produce my next breath.

Tripp further elaborates:

If you and I had the kind of control that we fall into thinking we have, none of us would ever go through anything difficult. None of us would choose to be sick, None of use would choose to experience physical pain. None of us likes the prospect of being physically weak and disabled. None of us likes our lives being put on hold. Physical suffering does force you to face the reality that your life is in the hands of another. It reminds you that you are small and dependent, that whatever little bits of power and control you have can be taken away in an instant. Independence is a delusion that is quickly exposed by suffering (20)

Today, tomorrow, and every day after let’s remember that our very existence is dependent upon Him. And our seasons of suffering are gracious reminders of this truth.